Off The 'Net

Useful Acronyms:

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN It Still Does Nothing

APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI System Can't See It

DOS Defunct Operating System

BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM I Blame Microsoft

DEC Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs


The Top 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support

12) "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

11) "...that's right, not even MacGyver could fix it."

10) "So -- what are you wearing?"

9) "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

8) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."

7) "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

6) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

5) "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

4) "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3) "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

2) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics." ...and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...

1) "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."