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Human Subjects Division (HSD)

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The Future of IRB Review

Apr 1, 2014 at 12:00am

Are you concerned about future approval for human subjects research? Twenty to thirty years in the future? Will human subject regulations apply to cyborgs? Zombies? Will teleportation require FDA approval? If you have these burning questions, you are in luck! HSD is pleased to announce the formation of a new IRB, Committee Omega (Ω).

precog

Staffed entirely by precogs, Committee Ω will be reviewing all future research. HSD will have your approval ready before you even know what research question you are trying to answer. The best part: we will be able to anticipate any adverse events, ensuring your experience with our Regulatory Affairs team is seamless.

The precogs will of course be adhering to a strict set of regulations that will be developed some time in the year 2029. (These regulations include regulations on precogs.) Unfortunately, this means that they cannot give you future research results, the result of any particular grant application, or the winner of any Superbowl, MLS Cup, World Series or (get this) NBA Championship, but they can tell us that 2057 is a particularly good year for sports fans in Seattle.

HSD is happy to welcome this new committee. They tell us there is no need for you to submit an application. They will be calling you.