Few of us invest time and energy into anything without at least a small expectation that we will get something from the experience. You want to know what your mentee hopes to gain from your relationship, and it is just as important that you give some thought and be able to tell your mentee what you want from the relationship. That's how a partnership is built: mutual gain; not necessarily equal gain, but a situation where both parties are gaining something.
Mentoring is not an exercise in debits and credits. There's no need to make sure that the account balances at the end of the relationship. However, in order for you, as a mentor, to gauge the success of the mentoring relationship, you have to give some thought to what you want from the experience. Take a few minutes and think about what you would like to get from the relationship.
Any type of relationship is doomed if expectations are held but not expressed. We are disappointed most when people don't meet our expectations, but often times we never share our expectations with each other. We may feel that we don't have a right to expect anything from another person, or that our expectations will seem trivial, or too great. To avoid the confusion, disappointment, and disaster that come from having unspoken expectations, it's critical to discuss expectations openly.
There are number of ways to discover your mentee's expectations and your own expectations. Here are a few:
It may be appropriate to have a formal mentoring agreement. In most cases the mentor takes the lead in devising such an agreement. The goal of an agreement is to set objectives for mutual effort. It is a tentative agreement, subject to change as required. Some things to include in an agreement are the expectations listed above, as well as the following:
Mentoring is typically cross-generational--an older professional mentoring a younger professional. However, the idea of mentoring across gender or culture is not as clearly defined by the definition of mentoring. Whether cross-gender or cross-cultural mentoring makes sense depends a great deal on the goals of the mentoring relationship and the skills of both the mentor and mentee.
Cross-gender mentoring can provide great benefits to those who participate. It can help by providing entry into different circles of an organization, and different perspectives--two outcomes at the core of mentoring relationships. However, several studies have revealed that cross-gender mentoring can result in problems stemming from gossip, envy, suspicions, sexual stereotypes and charges of sexual harassment. It's important that mentor and mentee have a conversation about these potential problems up front and have a plan of communication and protocol should they become an issue.
Like cross-gender mentoring, cross-cultural mentoring can provide tremendous benefits to the mentor and mentee and their organizations. This type of relationship can help bridge gaps and provide greater understanding that benefits both parties. However, more care must be taken in discussing expectations, since individuals from difficult cultures may not share some of the "unspoken" expectations that individuals from the same culture may share. The responsibility on the part of the mentor and mentee to communicate clearly and openly and to be open to questions is multiplied. It may take more work, but the rewards are likely to be far greater for both parties.
Mentoring Topics
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