In addition to the insight, experience, and willingness to help that each mentor brings to the relationship, there are other specific skills found in effective mentors.
It is key, in a mentoring relationship, that the focus stays on the mentee. The best way to focus on another person is to ask questions, so mentors must be skilled at asking effective questions.
To that end, let's look at three different types of questions: investigative, discovery, and empowering, all of which should be asked as "high-gain" questions. High-gain questions, also known as open-ended, are questions that require more than a yes or no answer. These types of questions encourage a dialogue, require that mentees think through the issues instead of having a pat answer, and disclose mentees' thoughts on issues.
Just like the term sounds, investigative questions seek information and objective facts. These are the familiar journalists' questions: Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How? While these questions are important, they serve only to provide enough background to move the conversation forward and, therefore, should be used on a limited basis. Examples of these types of questions are:
Discovery questions are used to encourage the mentee to tap into their own knowledge, experience, and insight. These questions lead mentees into drawing their own conclusions and learning from their experiences. These types of questions are not as familiar as investigative questions, but they are far more fruitful in the mentoring relationship. Examples of these types of questions are:
Empowering questions get us to "what happens next." They call upon the mentee to take ownership and make plans for the next step. Empowering questions push for action and ask for commitment. Examples of these types of questions are:
Be on guard. Because you have more experience, it may be tempting to correct mentees and give them the "right" answer--but doing so takes ownership, power, and learning away from mentees. Instead of correcting mentees, lead them to their own right answers by asking additional questions.
It's not hard to identify the feelings that may be behind a person's words. Watch their body language: are they nervous, upset, or frustrated? What are the bodily signs of various emotions? Listen to their tone of voice and the pace; are they talking loudly and quickly?
Ask follow-up questions not only about the content of mentees' responses, but how they feel about what they're telling you.
Mentors are critical to mentees who may feel stuck in a situation or a position. Often we feel stuck because we are unable to see our situation from any other perspective. Mentors, because of their experience and unattached position to mentee's situations, can often see things from a different angle.
Consider the mentee who cannot see any way to pick up a hot cup of coffee because the cup has no handle. When paired with a mentor who is sitting in a different spot, and therefore can see the handle on the cup, the possibilities for picking up the coffee cup materialize because the mentor is there.
Mentors help turn situations around by asking questions and listening carefully. Mentors offer mentees the opportunity and the invitation to see things from a different perspective.
A large part of your job as a mentor is giving feedback based on your observations of your mentee. Mentees are depending on your reactions and, because mentors are often not in a supervisory position to their mentees, the feedback can be shared and received in a safe environment.
Providing honest, genuine feedback is a challenge; sometimes it is even uncomfortable. Many of us are hesitant to give feedback because we have a little voice in our head telling us not to be judgmental, and after all, isn't that what feedback is about - judging another person? The answer is yes and no; it depends.
There are times when feedback is about judging another person, about sizing up their behavior, attitudes, and performance against what you expected, asked for, or wanted. It's okay to provide this type of feedback when the situation warrants it, but it's important that mentors consider other ways of providing feedback.
Instead of providing feedback directly, enter into a dialogue with your mentee. First, use discovery questions to find out about your mentee's performance, behavior, or attitude. Then, establish yourself as a listener, and finally, react to your mentee's self-assessment. This approach allows you and your mentee to be partners in the process. It also allows you to agree or disagree with your mentee, which usually results in less defensiveness for both parties.
It's important, however, that you don't shy away from providing honest feedback. Playing it safe and denying your mentee honest feedback will never promote growth or development.
Mentors, particularly those within the same organization as their mentee, may have information that mentees can use to make decisions or change their perspective. Information that is neutral and factual can provide a mentee with confidence and renewed understanding. Remember, though, that opinions and advice are not neutral and factual information. It’s important that you recognize the difference and make it clear to your mentee whether you are providing neutral information or an opinion.
As a mentor, you may find yourself in a position of encouraging your mentee to "think outside of the box," to perhaps consider a different career path or other options for themselves. This is often one of the outcomes of a mentoring relationship. Your role in this situation is never to recommend a change, but to provide an opportunity and maybe even resources for your mentee to explore options and make their own decisions.
Consider the following:
Next Section: Counter Productive Behavior
Mentoring Topics
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